Hiya, I am looking for some help and suggestions about what to do if I allow my ex to see my son. I am looking for some help and suggestions about what to do if I allow my ex to see my son. Its so hard. He will see he pays so is entitled . My 11 yr old never met his biological father... Now asking questions, what do I. Ex wants to see daughter after years of no contact. I think that my son would be more comfortable with me and his real (step) dad around. I know this must be stressful for you and we're thinking of you. Its great.x. If you could forward on a letter for me signed by you and Paul saying that you'll not be claiming any money from me. From comparing notes on different adoption agencies to asking questions about adopting a child from abroad, this board is also an area to discuss special guardianship. Is he quite open-minded about him? ( i really dont think he should be left in your ex's care alone for quite some time yet) I feel that this situation can not be rushed and understand completely your worries. Share with Tangle Teezer - £100 voucher to be won, Your questions about the Green Homes Grant have been answered by the experts from the BEIS and EST, abscent father now wants contact after 10 years, Talk widget showing discussions of the day & trending threads, Subscribe to Mumsnet emails direct to your inbox. Absent father now wants contact after 4 years Discuss adoption with other Netmums, and get support and advice from those who have been through the adoption process. I also have an abusive ex who has no contact with my dds and I would not allow him contact whatsoever even though my eldest dd would like contact. My Ds was not allowed to be unsupervised with my Ds from when he was 6 weeks old due to his behaviour. The pain at being kept away from him was so bad.You can control and power over your child now, but that child will remember what you did when he grow ls up.As adults, neither me or my brother speak to my mother at all. We have decided to do a 'Parental Responsibility Agreement', and as I am the only person on the birth certificate, I am the only person who needs to sign it. If he's agreeing to an adoption then he probably just wants a completely clean break. Share your stories about your children’s favourite toys with Munchkin Nursery Steriliser - £100 voucher to be won, What's your go-to hairstyle for your children? My family are 100% against him seeing my son, so I don't think that they will be supportive and help us. and I'll send you guys a letter back to state that I renounce all (if I had any) legal rights to visit Freddie. My ex is verbally abusive even after 10 years, he gave up contact and left the country when my son was 1 years old after dragging me through court costing me £3000 to fight through his lies. The last time I saw him was 4 years ago when I was pregnant. Once I had done all this, their father too decided he did not want contact as my solictor asked him for child support due to not paying it for 5 years. How it affects you.Ask your child what he wants to do. Don't allow an Abusive stranger anywhere near your son.If my abusive ex showed up to see my dds he would be told to jog on and I would not consider whether my dds would want to see him. National Association of Child Contact Centres, Daughters Birthday, Birth dad (my brother) now wants contact. I have been in the same situation I have two girls who are 9 and 6 and there biological father came back into their lives after 4 years wanting contact. I arranged a Skype meeting over a year ago to try and encourage contact but it was followed by demands on how I parent and hurtful accusations that I’m a rubbish mother. We had bedwetting because of it andd all sorts of upsets - and ds is not a difficult or challenging kid so it really got to him. Let me know if or how it goes... here for you you anytime if you want to chat One of the things I told my Ds a few years ago was if his dad wanted contact he would have to go to court to ensure it was the right thing for him. We are getting married next year and we are all happy. I was in a short though committed relationship with a man back in 2001. this can only happen very very slowly and I hope if your ex is serious enough he should understand. After speaking to my solicitor this afternoon, I was advised that if it is purley about money then the adoption would not be accepted by the courts. I think it is nice that you were willing to offer contact after so long and even met up, I did the same but some men just don't want to be fathers. Please note, as a peer-to-peer chat board, Netmums has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. Now he wants contact on his terms, not mine! We do make decisions for our children all the time. hi just wanted to say i have found contact centres a real help and were vital for us when ds bio mum wanted to see him. To blame you all if my Chinese takeaway is ruined? @angell84Of courses ex’s can be abusive . Op stated her ex is abusive, are you saying women should have to put up with being abused in the name of contact because I can never agree with that. Don't hesitate to post again whenever you need to. @ziggy838 yes but again your last post is about you, you, you. Would you let your child go off with a virtual stranger who gets so drunk he can't remember his child's age? The solicitor also advised that if he is not paying, when we do an adoption in the future, this will be in our favour. Be strong and know your Son will always love you the same what ever happens. Anyway, within a few hours he texted me asking to meet my husband 'for a drink'. I think he is expecting his son to fill a void in his life, which won't happen. You are right about not rushing it. Stay strong. I feel suicidal all the time. Take care and let us know how you are. I never expected him to come back into the picture as he always said that he never wanted him. We tried for a baby and I got pregnant quite quickly. I think the contact centre and Skype are good ideas if your son wants contact, and you're doing the right things to keep the opportunity open for them to build a relationship.